poor human heart pounding

Poor human hearts pounding everywhere, lying in their beds, walking their dogs, worrying about their future, dwelling on how their life took a wrong turn as they ride the bus to work in the morning.  I’m lying here in my hotel bed.  No other guest are stirring at this hour.  The dull roar of distant traffic reminds me that the poor human heart pounds 24 hours a day.

My past is a distant memory.  Who I was before no longer matters.  I resist thoughts of the future; they only bring anxiety born of uncertainty.  My crystal ball is full of thunder clouds, the clouds of unknowing.  Not being able to see the distant shores makes me seasick. I ground myself in the present with Jack’s words.  On my nightstand is last night’s entertainment, the Portable Playstation, Burnout Dominator crashing into cars to earn points, a fantasy of the human heart pounding of road rage.  Dark Resurrection, a hero’s quest to claim an unknown prize.  The prize doesn’t matter, what matters is the adventure along the way.  I long to feel my human heart pounding with the anticipation of unknown trails, dangerous trails, where the capacity of one’s own wit and resourcefulness determines life over death.  Adrenaline becomes my addiction, instead of cheap whores and booze.  An addiction that prowls like a hungry wolf on a cold desolate winter day looking for his next kill to keep him from Death’s steel jaws, the circle of life, the pounding of human hearts beating to different tunes on their iPods.

I close my eyes.  I’m on an empty beach watching her stand with her feet in the sea.  Her peach colored Spanish dress pulled above her ankles, she is dancing with the waves.  I feel lonely in this empty bed of fluffy white blankets and pillows listening to my poor human heart pounding.

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