Ok listen. I’m going to play for a while so if things get a bit weird on here, don’t panic. It’s just a phase. Pardon me while I burst into flames, a line I borrowed from Incubus, perfectly describes my state of mind. But as the Smashing Pumpkins sang;
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
So much for that. Anyway, i took a roadtrip down to Cheltenham to watch the boy graduate. How many years has it been since i walked across the stage to receive my university diploma? 25 years! Egats man. Time is a beast.
This rat never saw it coming. i bought into the idealism of youth, those lofty dreams of changing the world, despite the fact that the world didn’t and doesn’t need changing. It is what it is. Always has been, and will be long after I’m gone. Somebody pour me a drink. Get the whiskey flowing. I can’t write another dry word.
This isn’t about me. It’s about you and me and us and them and they and aliens with space probes probing the dark galaxies that God abandoned when he saw creation had gone Pete Tong in him. I’m just God’s comic stuck here to suffer in this planet. I feel like I’m responsible but I can’t do it by myself. Once there was a girl. I lost her a long time ago in the garden. On days when the wind blows just right i can smell her presence.
I am
Who else can
I be
But myself
Even when
I am
Pretending
To be
Someone else
I am
Still and only
Myself
Did I kill something in me when I let you go? When I stopped reading and following the knowledge trail until it ended in big gains, big game. I don’t remember all the names of the writer’s I read in those days. It was a time of fantasy and other worlds within worlds. I held the order in my mind. Then chaos seeped in. And I embraced her. She was bitter and sweet. Her breath smelled of ancient cigarettes and her small breasts were lost inside her cashmere sweater.
Who are you? Who do you fear you are? Who do you pretend to be to hide the Hyde within you?
Is there something wrong with me? Did I not turn out how you imagined me to be? One day there will be no more me or I and the dream will be permanent.
I would hate to get to the end of time and think, what a waste
of time.
Feeling good is good enough and I’m feeling good as good gets right now.
Soundtrack
Chow!
